why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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