i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
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There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
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I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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