I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
