Sponge bath it is.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Randomize
