eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
