HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
