20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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