he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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