He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
