those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
