he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
