I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This gyro tastes like lonliness
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
