The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
