So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
