whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
