Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I DEMAND FORESKIN
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
