the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
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