If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
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