Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
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