When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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