It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
Randomize
