everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
