i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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