My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
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It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
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I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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