a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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