Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
