After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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