I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
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There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
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