btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
