Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
