I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
