Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Randomize
