I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I want to be your penis for a week.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
