Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
