is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I love you.
Bad choice
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