I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
