Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
We were destined to go to rehab together
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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