Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
