legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
