I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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