what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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