its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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