Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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