Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I smell like Dick and happiness
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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