dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
where am i from again
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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