Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
