I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
