Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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