that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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