A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Randomize
