I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
