how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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