Need sex. Gaining weight.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
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