Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
