remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
