The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
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And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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