At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Randomize
