This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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