Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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