nut hugger
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
