then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
