i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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