She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
