Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Dicks are not precious.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
