just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
