This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
only you would photoshop your dick
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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