he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Randomize
