he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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