He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
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We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
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After tacos, we're chasing women.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
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