Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Randomize
