She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
