I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
