I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
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