I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
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