genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
