hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
