I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Randomize
