So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
