He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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